whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
