you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
