my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize