I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
