I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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