dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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