Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
