worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
