he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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