Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
