weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
