I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
