this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
