I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize