i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
