Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
