Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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