bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
