it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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