Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize