My liver just broke up with me...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
