update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
