what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
