I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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