she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
