How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
