like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
