He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
