Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
