fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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