Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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