So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
