one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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