I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
