My hand turned me down
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
