I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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