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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
one might say we're banned from that church
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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