first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize