Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
