fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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