If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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