Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
