I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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