Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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