All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
