life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
