Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
