Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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