Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
