Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
