my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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