69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize