Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
