Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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