Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
