I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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