I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it because I queefed?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize