Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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