that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
