What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
