47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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