I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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