Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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