So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
