the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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