I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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