you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
