I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
