Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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