I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
