You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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