Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
