WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
