So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
