okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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