Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
