i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
