I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
