I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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