Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
