I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
