Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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