Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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