Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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