My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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