I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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