If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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