mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
