i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
